Chaos

It seems like all these feelings I've been trying to keep a lid on are overwhelming me. Ever since I left California, there's this terrible yearning and bitterness I can't shake. It's only been 10 days, but it feels like so much longer than that. At the airport I had no choice but to pull myself together, and a few days after coming back it seemed like I was starting to be okay with being here. Then when I have nothing left to occupy myself with, all the memories and feelings and everything else sneak up on me. I still have so much to do here. I've been putting off getting a driver's license since I was 16, so I really need to get that situated. Also, due to financial matters, I would pretty much get a free ride through any college in the state if I chose to. I realize that both of those things are imperative and anyone else in their right mind would be all over it, but god damnit. I don't want to be stuck here for 4 more years. These thoughts have been swimming in my head for longer than I'd like, and I need to make a decision about something soon. Maybe it'll be a goal or something. All I want is to be back in San Francisco with the wind and the vicious seagulls and my heart.

 Gah.Suppose it was time for one of these venting posts. Starting a blog means these things are an inevitability. Hopefully I'll get back to my dream logs soon enough.